The Arseholeic Adventures of PunyMan!

Last week in Planet Gym Maroon 7, we spotted our arseholeic fuckhead of a moron, PunyMan, for the first time, attempting to master the art of Asshole Weightlifting.

PunyMan: Ah! I am here! Hhhmm... I think I'll go hog the Smith Machine and the decline bench BOTH AT THE SAME TIME to do my Asshole Workout routine. Muwhahahah! All these big muscle guys around. I'll show them! I can lift weights too even though I'm little and puny. Coz I got sumthing to prove!

Just when PunyMan begins to hog the Smith Machine and decline bench, our heroes GymMonkey & GymDevilette, arrive at the scene....

GymMonkey: Hhhmmm... both the Smith Machines seems to be used by other inhabitants of Planet Gym Maroon 7. Come GymDevilette! Let us do our other leg routines and come back to use the Smith Machine later. Do not waste precious workout time waiting and idling.

GymDevilette: Aye, Monkey!

So our heroes proceed to do 4 sets each of their Super Argh Leg Extension & Super Argh Leg Curl exercises, which took them about 15 minutes to complete. Tired but feeling super great after doing the exercises, our heroes return to the Smith Machines in hopes that at least one of them will be freed from the clutches of other Planet Gym Maroon 7ers. But....

GymMonkey: Hhhmmm... looks like one of the Smith Machines is being used by a different duo, and they just started. And the other one...(speaking to himself...) I can't believe that puny guy is still on that machine.
GymDevilette: What's that GymMonkey?

GymMonkey: That puny guy. He was there when we 1st came in and he's still on that Smith Machine. I can't believe he's hogging it.

GymDevilette: But he's not there. He's not using it.

GymMonkey: But he, in true arseholeic fashion, has put his water bottle & towel on the bench of the machine, signifying that he indeed intends on hogging it.

GymDevilette: Hhhmm... it appears that he is on the decline bench doin what appears to be a lame attempt at doing sit ups. Since he's not using the Smith Machine now, why don't you ask him if you could share the machine with him?

And so, our heroes walk up to PunyMan, who is busy doing his puny sit ups on the decline bench. PunyMan was huffing and puffing while doing his situps, so GymMonkey decides to wait until he's done before asking him the question....

PunyMan: Yaaahhhrrr.... 9.... hhhmmpppfff..... 10...... hehhh hehhhh hehhhhhhhh.....

GymMonkey: Hi there. I notice that you're not using the Smith Machine right now. Mind if I share it with you? I can work on it while you're resting and vice versa.

PunyMan: (rolling his eyes) Hhhmmpphh.... oklah oklah!

GymMonkey: Thanx man.

And so, GymMonkey proceeds to the Smith Machine and rolls the flat bench away so that he could do his Super-Oh-My-God-My-Butt-Hurts Squats. GymDevilette helps GymMonkey change the weights and spots him...

GymDevilette: (while spotting GymMonkey doing his Squats) 9....C'mon GymMonkey! Just one more to go! Put your back into it!

GymMonkey: Heeeaaaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!

GymDevilette: 10! Good job GymMonkey!

GymMonkey: Hehhh... thanx GymDevilette.

GymMonkey then rolls back the flat bench into place so that PunyMan can use it for his workout. GymMonkey and GymDevilette were even nice enough to put back PunyMan's weights for him. Just when GymDevilette was adjusting the weights, she notices PunyMan getting up from the decline bench and mouthing something...
PunyMan: (hands on waist, rolling his eyes, vertical lines between eyebrows visible) Mumble, mumble, mumble....

GymDevilette: (looks sharply at PunyMan, thinking to herself) What da fuck?!?!? Did that boy just cussed at GymMonkey and me?!?!?!? Oh no he didnt!!!!

GymMonkey: (to PunyMan) Alright man, thanx. Your turn now...

PunyMan: (throwing a bitchfit) Argh! You messed up my bench. You do your whole routine 1st. Finish it. I don't want to share anymore.

GymMonkey: Huh? What? Are you sure? What's wrong man?

PunyMan: (still angry and annoyed) Just hurry up and finish your sets!

GymMonkey: Oh ok. If you insist.

And so, our heroes return to the Smith Machine so that GymMonkey can finish his remaing 3 sets of the Super-Oh-My-God-My-Butt-Hurts Squats. In between the sets, as GymDevilette was prepping the Smith Machine for GymMonkey....

GymDevilette: (whispering to GymMonkey) Dude, just now I think that puny guy just cussed at you.

GymMonkey: He did? Well, nevermind. Let him be. I'll just concentrate on finishing my sets.

After a few minutes, GymMonkey finished his sets. Our heroes then put back the flat bench and adjusted the bar to PunyMan's original position. Just when they were putting back PunyMan's original weights, PunyMan walks up stomping his feet to our heroes....

PunyMan: (throwing another bitch fit, one arm on waist, the other in the air pointing, voice high pitched) Don't change the weights! I'll do it myself! You changed my bench and my settings!

GymDevilette: (slamming the weights showing contempt) C'mon GymMonkey. Let's just go.

GymMonkey: (to PunyMan) Cool man. What's the problem? I thought you were ok with me sharing the Smith Machine.

PunyMan: (still in bitchfit mode) When I said share, I thought you meant you're doing the same routine as me. That's the meaning of sharing. Not doing something different.

GymMonkey: But I'm using the same machine as you... that's sharing...

PunyMan: (higher mode of bitchfit) When you share, you're suppose to do the same routine as me!!! Now all my settings are gone!!!

GymMonkey: (showing 1st signs of pissed-offness while still being super diplomatic) What are you talking bout? What settings? I put everything back as it was. I used the same machine as u. It's still considered sharing, I'm still using the same machine you're using.

PunyMan: (not budging) I know I'm being rude but I'm only using the machines for 20 minutes.

GymMonkey: (to himself) Oh so you know you're being rude. What da fuck is he on about? 20 fucking minutes??? You're hoggin the damn machine! And I & GymDevilette even finished 2 whole routines & you're still on this damn thing!!!!

PunyMan: bitchfit... mumble...bitchfit....yak yak yak.... scream scream scream... bitchfit....

GymDevilette: (thinking to herself) Fuck! This puny guy's getting on my nerves. (Squints her eyes looking at PunyMan) Hhhmm... tiny bugger. I think I can take him. I'll pound this puny muthafucka to bits!

GymMonkey: (blood pressure rising, veins beginning to pop) K-k-k... C-c-c... L-l-look. I-i-i... p-p-put the... b-b-bench ba fo you. Wh-wh-what's blthe beeg sdill? Vvvee... arrrr... using the ssssame... ma-ma-macheeeen.

PunyMan: What?!

GymDevilette: (thinking to herself) C'mon GymMonkey. What are you waiting for? Pound that puny fucka.
GymMonkey: (thinking to himself) FUUUCCCKKK!!!!! I'm stuttering coz I'm so fucking pissed off! ARGH! My blood pressure's rising! I feel like smashing your puny lil head into the mirror!!! No GymMonkey! Control yourself... you don't wanna cause a scene. I still need to come here almost everyday. Take long deep breaths.... long... deep... breaths....

GymMonkey: (extending one hand to PunyMan while patting PunyMan's back with the other) Hey man, you're alright. You're alright man. Hey... I'm sorry for pissing you off. We cool. What's your name? I'm GymMonkey.

PunyMan: (confused) I.. I'm... I'm PunyMan.

GymDevilette: (thinking to herself) Argh!!! I can't believe GymMonkey is being overly diplomatic with this puny lil insect! Hey insect! You want a piece of this?!?!?!?!?

GymMonkey: (to GymDevilette) Come, GymDevilette. There're more leg workouts to be done.

GymDevilette: Huh? What???

Our heroes then resume their super charged up leg exercises, leaving PunyMan to continue fondling & humping "his" beloved Smith Machine.

After GymMonkey and GymDevilette finished their leg workout, they sat down at the Cafe of Maroon Delites and pondered at the earlier event that took place with PunyMan....

GymDevilette: The nerve of that guy!

GymMonkey: Yeah! Fuck man! I hope he stays puny for life!

GymDevilette: (chanting her curses to PunyMan) Mumble mumble... PunyMan... mumble mumble... puny....for....mumble mumble... life...... mumble....fuck you.... mumble mumble.... amen! P-tui!!! (spitting at PunyMan's direction)

GymMonkey: Huh?

GymDevilette: Thy will be done! He shall forever be puny!!!! MWUAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!

GymMonkey: MWUAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!

GymDevilette: Wait here.....

GymDevilette then disappears away. She then searches for her trusted PlayaTrainerMan and founds him surrounded by many of the beautiful female Planet Gym Maroon 7ers....

GymDevilette: Ladies... hi! Excuse me while I steal PlayaTrainerMan for a few seconds...

Planet Gym Maroon 7 ladies surrounding PlayaTrainerMan: awww.... hurry back please....

So GymDevilette pulls PlayaTrainerMan to a side....

GymDevilette: Heya PlayaTrainerMan. I need to ask a favor of you. There's this asshole at the weights area. Pissed me & GymMonkey off just now. Fucka was hogging the Smith Machine like he owns it. FUCK! I want you to just keep an eye on him. You can't miss him. He's the puniest there... wearing a coordinated army-printed gear. Thanx man.

PlayaTrainerMan: Ohhh... where's that bastard? Hogging the machines huh? We'll see. (punching his fist on his hand).

And off PlayaTrainerMan goes to see who this fucktard PunyMan is while GymDevilette rejoins her buddy GymMonkey....

GymDevilette: (to GymMonkey) I told PlayaTrainerMan to keep an eye on that fucktard PunyMan.

Meanwhile, at the weights area, PunyMan was hogging a different machine....

PlayaTrainerMan: (approaching PunyMan, voice full of authoritarianism) Hey you! You got a problem with the weights???

PunyMan: (scared outta his wits) N-n-no. No... no problem here.

PlayaTrainerMan: (voice still strong) You sure?

PunyMan: Y-y-yess.... yes.

PlayaTrainerMan: Good!

After taunting PunyMan a lil, PlayaTrainerMan reports back to GymDevilette and GymMonkey...

PlayaTrainerMan: Hmph! That guy huh? That tiny guy??? I fixed him. Don't worry about him no more.

GymDevilette: Thanx man!

GymMonkey: GymDevilette? PlayaTrainerMan? What did you guys do?

GymDevilette: Oh don't worry so much. I just asked PlayaTrainerMan to keep an eye on our lil puny friend.

And so our heroes, GymMonkey and GymDevilette, together with PlayaTrainerMan, laughed themselves silly at the fate of PunyMan. What will become of PunyMan? Will he dare show his face at Planet Gym Maroon 7 again? Will he still keep to his arseholeic ways of hogging machines like nobody's business??? Will he stay puny for life??? And what bout our heroes? Will they upkeep the true nobility of proper gym etiquette for other Planet Gym Maroon 7ers? Will PlayaTrainerMan get more ladies??? Ooooooo....! Tune in next time for more of .....The Arseholeic Adventures of PunyMan!